Amid the open packages that were once wrapped so
carefully, while snacking on leftovers of another feast,
most people today are talking about what they want to
change about themselves for the coming year. Promises to
lose weight, spend more time with family and get further
ahead in careers are the norm. The promise that looms in
my future is to stop smoking - again.
In 1991, my first husband challenged me to give up
smoking with him.
"We'll be a team," he said.
I didn't want to quit. My sister's wedding was coming
up, and I was the matron of honor. My mother-in-law was
dying of cancer. My youngest son and a nephew were in
training for their First Communion. Besides, I liked
smoking. But I agreed - not really putting my heart into
it but going along to keep the peace.
My ex thought it would be helpful to use the video,
"21 Days to Stop Smoking," produced by the
American Cancer Society. We watched the video, studying
in advance to attempt to get a jump on the horrors that
awaited us.
Our target date to put down the evil cancer sticks
came upon us. The first day went by slowly, but I didn't
succumb to the intense cravings, and I made it home from
work without lighting up. Later that evening, I took one
puff and ground out the evil temptress with a
determination I didn't know I had.
I watched the video every night, following hints
about how to keep going and what to expect, and
accepting congratulations for making it through another
day.
On the 17th day, I popped the video in, pushed play -
and nothing happened. Frantic, I pushed eject and
discovered the tape had snapped. I called the video
store, begging for another copy. They were all checked
out for weeks.
I made it through that day, even though I had many
opportunities to beg a cigarette from my smoking
friends. I made it to day 21 and kept going. I didn't
pick up another cigarette for eight years.
When I filed for divorce, I began smoking again - not
many cigarettes, just a few here and there. I was back
to my old habit within a year. I switched to organic
cigarettes and went through withdrawal from the
chemicals and additives used in the popular brands. I
smoke less, but my doctor is adamant that I quit.
Quitting smoking is the hardest habit to kick. I know
some would argue that losing weight or kicking drugs is
worse, but I've done those, too. Quitting smoking is a
personal triumph. If you can't imagine your life without
cigarettes and be happy about it, you'll fail.
I know I have only myself to blame. The best
achievements are the hardest to sustain.
Happy New Year.
McKee, a wheelchair user, is a freelance writer
and producer. You can e-mail her at chairgrrl@chairgrrl.com.
